10 Reasons why Americans should vote Republican
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You want to finance the wealthy.
You think the banking bailout wasn’t enough for the elite. They need tax breaks to invest more in the developing world so their companies become more profitable. Please give them tax cuts to do so.
Do you want to decrease unemployment overseas, give corporations tax cuts and breaks to finance their move to the land of cheap labor of their choice? So what if the workers are too young or kept in dormitories and the conditions resemble those of forced labor. You really want that stuff to be so cheap that you can afford it on the unemployment line. Well then:
Vote Republican
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You believe victims of crime are whiners.
Two wrongs make a right!
Women who are raped and become pregnant should be forced to carry the baby of a crime.
That those complaining of sexual and moral abuse at work are just lazy and have no right to be treated equally at the workplace. Then…
Vote Republican
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You believe government services are a waste.
That the fire department, police, schools and hospitals are a drain on the economy we cannot afford. That only the private sector could provide these at an affordable rate, and so what if you can’t afford it.
That protecting the environment serves no purpose and is a drain on corporate reserves when they are forced to abide by the minimum guidelines. You believe that market forces are enough to prevent poisonous baby food.
You believe tearing apart mountains or flooding the sea with crude oil are all just part of a viable business model. Then…
Vote Republican
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You believe whites are the victim of racism.
That this is your country and you want it back, and you believe the days of slavery made you freer. You need someone to look down upon because your life is crap. You need to blame someone else for your own failure to compete in an open market and its all because minorities have some legal protection. You believe that illegal immigrants are taking your jobs away but if you were offered the same working conditions you would run away screaming. Then…
Vote Republican
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You don’t believe in social programs.
Well Medicare, Social Security, and S-CHIP (State Children’s Health Insurance Plan) are drains on those who can afford not to need them. So they should be privatized and hence only serve those that can afford them in the first place. Just think of all that extra money in the stock market you can cheer in volatile rise and spectacular collapse. Heck that’s the free market for you, so what if the big boys stole all your cash that’s the American dream right there! Love it? Then….
Vote Republican
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It’s not what you do but what you say that counts.
That even if you are a total sleazeball but say the right things all will be forgiven. That you can lie and steal and waste tax payers money so thoroughly yet claim still to be fiscally conservative with a straight face, and that you can believe and admire others who do the same thing. Then…
Vote Republican
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Affordable health care is an affront to sanity.
It was much better when the insurance companies could cover whom they liked. The rate hikes every so often filled you with joy. That only those with the resources should have access to what you believe was the best service in the world despite all evidence to the contrary. Then…
Vote Republican
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Rules are only for poor people.
You believe that making the rich even richer is part of the American dream even though you are more likely only to get there if you win the state lottery.
You believe that by supporting the grotesquely wealthy is your sure way into nirvana, and you will protect them come hell or high water even though they laugh at you. Then…
Vote Republican
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You believe America is on the road to socialism.
The only way to stop this is to hand over government to the corporations and that democratically elected politicians should bow to the will of the very few.
The only good government is one that doesn’t interfere with profit taking and is better neither seen or heard. … That this rule by the elite is the way to go. Then…
Vote Republican
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Your own freedoms are best guaranteed by removing the rights of others.
You believe that LGBT folk don’t deserve the same rights as anyone else since this would infringe if not totally destroy your own, it would in fact cause you deep and abiding pain.
You believe that the freedom to worship is a christian right, and any other religion is just plain un-American, and Muslims have a special right to be hounded no matter what. You believe that to avoid the imposition of Sharia law one must impose fundamentalist christian doctrine first by applying old testament laws. Then…
Vote republican
