{"id":1288,"date":"2020-11-26T19:39:34","date_gmt":"2020-11-26T19:39:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/?p=1288"},"modified":"2020-11-26T19:39:34","modified_gmt":"2020-11-26T19:39:34","slug":"gay-wisdom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/2020\/11\/26\/gay-wisdom\/","title":{"rendered":"“GAY WISDOM”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Wisdom<\/strong><\/h2>\n

RE-PRINT<\/p>\n

Older gay gentlemen offer 15 life lessons to their younger gay counterparts<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

By\u00a0David Hudson<\/a> August 15, 2020<\/p>\n

Things are better for young queer or gay men coming to terms with their sexuality these days compared to the past, but that doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re perfect. Advice from those that have struggled with the same things may help or give a different perspective.<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cWhat I wish would have been available to me when I was 20, was the opportunity to speak with someone who had experienced what I was experiencing as I was coming out,\u201d says\u00a0Jeff Levy<\/a>, a gay, Chicago-based psychotherapist.<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cAt the time, there were no role models in the media and I was coming out during the AIDS crisis. Although there are more role models for younger gay folks now, I\u2019d encourage younger gay men to reach out to older gay men and to ask questions about their life experiences and relationships. I think intergenerational friendships and opportunities for mentoring could be incredibly valuable and enriching.\u201d<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

We messaged some gay men over 50 and asked them about things they wished they\u2019d known earlier about love, life, sex, and relationships. Some replied anonymously while others were happy to be named.<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t forget your friends<\/h2>\n

\u201cWhen you are dating, don\u2019t forget to maintain your close friendships. Friends often endure beyond romantic relationships. But they too require nurturing and maintenance.\u201d (Dominic Davies, of UK-based\u00a0Pink Therapy<\/a>)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

2. Own your sexuality<\/h2>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be embarrassed to tell sex partners what you like doing in bed, or to ask for the sex you want. As gay men, we\u2019re often taught to feel ashamed of our sexual desires, and that can leave many of us forever challenged when it comes to saying what we do and don\u2019t enjoy.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cLearn what turns you on and discuss that with your partner. Then explore more things to add to the list. Erotic pleasure is infinite, there is no need to be bored if you share your active imaginations!\u201d (Dominic Davies)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

3. Stay safe<\/h2>\n

\u201cHave as much sex as you want with whoever you want and never feel guilty about it\u2026 but always be safe. There\u2019s no sex so mind-blowing it\u2019s worth risking your health for. And if someone tries to persuade you to be unsafe, that should be a reason to leave.\u201d (SG)<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

4. Prioritize the right people<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cPrioritize people who wish to prioritize you: not those who treat you as an option.\u201d (DK)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

5. Support others and they\u2019ll support you<\/h2>\n

\u201cChallenge prejudice and discrimination even when it isn\u2019t aimed at you or people like you. Racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia and, yes, even ageism, are toxic, depriving people of opportunities to fulfill their potential. Our enemies seek to divide us. Don\u2019t let them. Support others and you will be supported by others.\u201d (Matthew Hodson, Executive Director,<\/span>\u00a0NAM \/ aidsmap<\/a>)<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHelp when you can and accept help when you need it.\u201d (JM)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

6. Actions speak louder than words<\/h2>\n

\u201cSomeone may say that they\u2019re committed to you or feel a certain way about you, but if their actions say otherwise, listen to what those actions are telling you. People really do reveal themselves through their actions.\u201d (DK)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

7. Strive to be kind<\/h4>\n

\u201cAlways try to treat others with kindness\u2026 even if you have the perfect, bitchy response to hand to put someone down.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cCruelty is not funny.\u201d (Matthew Hodson)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

8. Don\u2019t ignore warning signs<\/h2>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t ignore red flags when getting involved with someone. They nearly always turn into bigger issues further down the line.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

9. Swap contact details<\/h2>\n

\u201cIf you have amazing sex with someone in a bathhouse or other sex venue, don\u2019t be shy of asking them for their phone number. If you don\u2019t, you\u2019ll likely never see them again and may regret not asking for it. I never used to do this, but when I started doing so, I was surprised how often guys wanted to connect again or meet up. Not everyone is looking for an anonymous, brief encounter. In fact, most people aren\u2019t.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

10. The right partner goes beyond the physical<\/h2>\n

\u201cGood sex involves your heart, head and dick. If your dick is the only part of you really involved, don\u2019t be surprised if, after you orgasm, you feel lonelier than ever\u2026this is your heart and head saying, \u2018Hey, why didn\u2019t you let us in on this?\u2019 Learn to open your heart and your mind as well as your legs!\u201d (Michael Dale Kimmel<\/a>, a California-licensed psychotherapist)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t fall in love with a man just because he has a gorgeous dick \u2026 or any other gorgeous body part. In a long-term relationship, sex will only ever be a small part of your adventures together: and personality and shared values will become more important.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

11. Don\u2019t fall for myths<\/h4>\n

\u201cThe old saying that \u2018No-one loves a fairy over 40\u2019 is a big, fat lie.\u201d (Anon.)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

12. Things will change and that\u2019s OK<\/h2>\n

\u201cWhat would I advise my 20-year-old self about love? Love is different when you\u2019re in your twenties, it\u2019s supposed to be an adventure; you\u2019re meant to love lots of people in many ways. That\u2019s what happens at your age. Love changes, as you get older: things get calmer, problems become more subtle, you\u2019ll probably look for more stability and less drama. So, enjoy your lovers now, knowing it will just get better over time.\u201d (Michael Dale Kimmel)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

13. Cherish all generations<\/h2>\n

\u201cEvery generation is fabulous in its own way \u2013 and every generation will face its own struggles. My generation was decimated by AIDS. Chemsex continues to take a toll on our communities. We cannot be certain that the freedoms and rights we enjoy now will continue unless we remain vigilant. We deal with our challenges more effectively when we learn from the generations that came before us.\u201d (Matthew Hodson)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

14. Choose the relationship that\u2019s right for you<\/h2>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s possible to love more than one person at the same time, equally and differently. Some of us are naturally suited to non-monogamy and that can also be a \u2018committed relationship.\u2019 But be honest with yourself and your partner. Cheating sucks.\u201d (Dominic Davies)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cMake sure you get the relationship you want. The great thing about being gay is that we don\u2019t feel like we have to have a relationship like our parents. If you want to be open, negotiate that. And if you want to be monogamous, then that\u2019s OK too.\u201d (SG)<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

15. Life is too short to not be yourself<\/h2>\n

\u201cLife is too short to spend time hiding your true self or trying to live up to the expectations of others. This is\u00a0your<\/em>\u00a0life and you only get to live it once.\u201d (DK)<\/span><\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Wisdom RE-PRINT Older gay gentlemen offer 15 life lessons to their younger gay counterparts By\u00a0David Hudson August 15, 2020 Things are better for young queer or gay men coming to terms with their sexuality these days compared to the past, but that doesn\u2019t mean they\u2019re perfect. Advice from those that have struggled with the same…","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":30,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[19],"tags":[],"class_list":["entry","author-larrynorton","post-1288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wisdom"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/nortonspeaks.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/Logomakr_9Av71k.png?fit=201%2C234","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8bppg-kM","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1288"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1290,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1288\/revisions\/1290"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/nortonspeaks.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}